toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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