You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
