Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
