Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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