dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
