I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
