Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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