9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
