evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
