please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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