6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize