If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
