she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
