I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
