what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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