Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
