Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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