i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
