One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
