Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
