if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
