So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
