ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize