fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
