ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
