Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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