so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
