toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
