My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We talked him into tasing himself.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
