if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
