Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
MIDGETS
????
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
