she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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