uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
