some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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