I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
