you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize