can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
