john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
