guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
