The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
