my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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