just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
