I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
