I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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