she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
