Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
