She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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