I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
