so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
