How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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