Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
its liver damage thursday
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