his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
