Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
