I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
