i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
