I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
