i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
