yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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