Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
