3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
