I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
