I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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