i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
