I puked a lego.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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