Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
