she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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