My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
