She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
