M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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