if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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