Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
