No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
