Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
