How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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