Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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