3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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