Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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