she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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