maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize