Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
