I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
