actually, I'm a sock model
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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