Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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