So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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